Psychopaths III - How to defend against them?

How to resist a psychopath and his manipulation? Don't let him into your life. Don't tell him your plans - you'd soon find out he's a part of them... His power will only grow where you let him. They say you have to invite a vampire into your house. This is doubly true of a psychopath. You give him power – you deal with him, you invite him to you…

According to the responses to previous parts of this article (I - What are the / II – How do you recognize them?) I found that people who have never met an actual psychopath (or psychopathically disturbed personality, if you will) don't really believe what I'm describing.

This is one reader's reaction for everyone:
I think that the more honest and humble a person is on the inside and the more he hates lies, greed, ambition, showiness, superficiality, pretense, self-interest, irresponsibility, etc. the more likely it is that he will not run into the psychopath, will not allow himself to be manipulated and, if possible, will avoid him in time.

But I think it's the exact opposite. A psychopath has a highly developed detector for other psychopaths or fraudsters. Just as one predator does not enter another's territory unless it has to. Why would he do that - they would both lose. It is easier for them to live in a flock of sheep without risk than among other predators.
The second insidious thing is that the bad qualities that the reader describes and that indicate that you are actually consciously collaborating with a psychopath, he does not actually have on the surface. The way a psychopath affects the environment is exactly the opposite - he is interesting, charming and a nice person to you.
And we're not talking about some amateur acting trick - that's not acting, he just IS. It has more faces and believe me it can take really long years to reveal them even with very intense contact. They really can completely confuse you, and even the experts - they simply don't have it written on their foreheads.

The second group of reactions I have come across is the division where you meet a psychopath. Most often in a partnership or at work. The least common and, in my opinion, the most destructive is in the family. The fact that the frequency of recognition of such a disturbed personality in the family is the lowest, in my opinion, is simply due to the fact that admitting that there is something "wrong" with a person close to you is not at all easy. You can easily live your whole life next to a psychopath and not reveal anything at all. I will try to deal with this and how to fight them in this text.

What is a psychopath about?

It's basically easy here. He is after power at the purest level. For control over another person, a group of people, for social power and the prestige that comes from it. As a by-product, he may want to get money, sex, or property from her. 
In relationships or family, it can easily be influence and power over another family member. He is quite jealous of other relatives, so that someone does not take his "toy" from him and does not accidentally have more influence over him than he himself. He doesn't want to lose his comfortable position... There are about as many internal motives as there are people, but it's always MOC in its purest form.
The psychopath is driven by his constant inner restlessness - for him, life is actually a never-ending game and sport. Control, own and control. 
If he loses power, he simply looks for a new victim.

What with this?

As I read, some psychopaths are aware of their psychopathy, others are not. But the common feature is that they are fully responsible for their actions and are therefore not medically ill. It is an innate or educationally acquired brain change (it is not known exactly) - simply a completely different perception of reality. Anyway, psychopathy CANNOT be cured. IT IS NOT A DISEASE.
Psychopaths don't realize or admit they have a problem. On the contrary, their predatory life strategy actually suits them perfectly. Especially when they are successful. So why on earth should they treat themselves? Experience has shown that it is, on the contrary, very counterproductive, because they often look away from therapists and adopt practices that they did not know before (point 21 in the Hare test in the previous volume).
The problem is that up to 12-16% other people around them tend to succumb to their behavior and adopt their behavior patterns to the point that they adopt the psychopathic behavior as their own. As Count Dracula and his loyal children of the night… 
This is clearly manifested in groups bearing the features of sects. At the top, look for psychopaths, and in the ranks of the sheep, look for completely manipulated fanatics without a trace of critical thinking and capable of anything. Are you also challenged by some political parties? Top politicians who lie and manipulate in such a way that you wonder how this is possible. That every "normal" person would have to collapse in shame. But remember - they are not "normal" people. This is exactly how a psychopath acts.
I cannot judge how aware they are and if they even have any idea how they are hurting the people around them. How he destroys the lives of his loved ones. But I assume that they don't allow this to be understood by a different - completely incomprehensible to us way of life and brain functioning, or they don't care at all. Just as our brains will never allow us to understand their - to me absolutely monstrous - way of thinking.
You can endlessly ask why he does this and if you, on the other hand, are doing something wrong. You will constantly question yourself. You will never be 100% sure. What is their game. You will never know which of their feelings for you is real and which is just fake. 

Good, Evil and Love

Make no mistake, psychopaths have good qualities too. They are not necessarily evil and bloodthirsty monsters, as my description might suggest. But that actually makes it worse for the environment.
Thanks to psychopaths, I think I understood that good and evil are very much relative. 
Imagine a king - a dictator who oppresses and murders his people. But one day he wakes up, is in a good mood and starts giving away gold and money to people. Just like that - because he wants to. He doesn't think of people that he will help them, but only of himself that it will do him good. Just a whim. Does that suddenly make him good?
It is probably not possible to judge a person if he is good or bad - only his actions can be judged. But if the bad ones who harm and injure others prevail, then it is certainly impossible to talk about the good.
ALL EVIL IS SELFISHNESS - both the murderer and the sadist do things only for themselves - to satisfy their momentary need. Without any regard for others. A psychopath does the same thing - if he is intelligent, he does it cleverly and subtly. And above all, completely naturally - he doesn't know anything else, he doesn't need to be treated. He is happy after all. It works for him. And you don't stand a chance.
He always comes first - a psychopath does not know empathy and has no conscience. So, in principle, he cannot be good and never truly love another person.
He can never feel true love for another person whom he claims to love. Love is based on empathy and compassion. His relationship with people is the same as with things. 
If the computer is broken, he will try to fix it. It is not possible? Hmmm, that's a shame, he liked it, but he'll buy a new one. Rationally and without emotion. He will do the same to a human without hesitation. He leaves, betrays, rejects you and moves on - easily and without any emotion.

Fairy tales and life

It is interesting if you look at any fairy tale with this perspective, what you now know about psychopaths. Everything is in them. As if it suddenly opened my horizons. And I began to understand what fairy tale and biblical evil really is.
Evil may be relative, but it is really, in its pure essence, an absence of compassion and empathy.
People must have known psychopaths subconsciously for a whole generation - the evil that is in fairy tales is pure psychopathy.
The evil queen in Snow White - she can't bear that someone is more beautiful than her, she's jealous of her stepdaughter, she wants to kill her - she doesn't think about her, but only about herself. Cinderella's stepmother, Hansel and Gretel's father, who led them into the deep forest, evil kings and warlocks, Mr. Burns in The Simpsons - still one thing in common. I! I! I!
Selfishness and lack of love is evil. It's pathetic, but it's true.
But one must never give in to evil, no matter what form it takes or even unwanted. It's always growing.

So how to fight a psychopath - how to defend yourself?

So, if you have reached the stage where the relationship with the psychopath takes more than it gives you, hurts you, or you simply can't anymore - there is really only one thing left:

Rule No. 1 – Run away if you can!
Rule No. 2 – RUN!

All experts and ordinary people who have experienced a meeting with a psychopath agree on this.
You will NEVER outsmart a psychopath, you will NEVER fix them, they will NEVER understand their actions and they will only continue to hurt you. The sooner you realize this and cut off all contact with him, the better.

Of course, that's easy to say, but harder to do. It is crucial where you meet the psychopath. As for partners (unless, of course, you have children, in which case you are more in the family category) - escape is absolutely valid. It will ALWAYS get worse and the later you manage to escape the relationship, the more scars you will have on your soul.
It's probably harder at work - but the same thing actually applies. In my opinion, no job is worth ruining your life and if you think you can somehow "get over it", you are wrong. I have no experience in this myself, but I believe that my advice (see below) applies in general and therefore also at work. 
NEVER HIM DON'T CHEAT and he NEVER will not resign - NEVER! 😉

But in my opinion, the most difficult situation is when you have a psychopath in your family. It's truly devastating to the whole family because he can turn individual members against each other for years without anyone having a clue. It doesn't occur to you at all - you don't have the slightest suspicion. Why too. Slowly, easily and destructively, he goes about his business. It's little lies, manipulations - nothing major, but it adds up to crazy.
He is able to use small half-truths, untruths and lies to pit people who were and are in love with each other, and you have no idea what's going on for years. If a family member is also under his influence, you basically have no chance to talk him out of it and you actually become an enemy for him as well. Something doesn't seem right to you, you're looking for answers - you're groping. But as the years go by, you find yourself doing things you wouldn't normally do and tolerating things to him that you would never normally tolerate for anyone. He also controls you, and when you see him, you get chills in your stomach like before graduation - you're afraid of what you're doing wrong.
I myself know how difficult it is - the hardest thing is probably to admit it at all. But you will never be 100% sure. Running away within the family is sometimes very difficult and sometimes it is not possible at all, but believe me, it is the best solution in the end.
If this is not possible at all, I think it is at least necessary to limit contact to an absolute minimum, or choose a slow exit.

If you can't run away directly, you have to be his opponent. The harder the better.  

1. Don't access his game.
He's arguing, he's blaming you for an alleged old transgression... you're getting defensive and he's got you under his belt. You must not allow this game. 
Tell him “Are you blaming me? We won't talk about this..." - don't let yourself be manipulated into the position in which he communicates with you. Determine the position yourself. You have every right to do so.
He only fakes emotions and empathy, but you have them. They then affect you and influence you. It sows discord and doubt.
Do you hang out with him often? They will accuse you of not even speaking. Long time no see? – He will accuse you of not leaving him alone for a while... Or just for the opposite reasons – he always finds something.
You will never thank him, nothing is enough - remember - it's just a game.
You have the right to decide what and how you will talk.
2. Try to ignore his conflicts.
The most popular actions of a psychopath are conflicts and the resulting manipulation. Everything is always the other person's fault - your fault, of course. 
You explain, apologize, try to come up with a reasonable solution and wait for a rational response in return - a mistake. Because the psychopath is NOT about resolving the conflict, but only about discord and pressure on you - only about your destabilization.
It just needs to make you doubt yourself, put you on the defensive, and erode your personality.
3. Don't negotiate!
Don't discuss what happened with him. About conflicts, about regrets. It makes no sense. If you need to agree on something with him, it is best to put him in front of the done deal. Don't be talked into it.
I repeat again - he is not interested in actually solving the problem - just inciting another conflict. Therefore, at first glance, it may seem that his conflicts do not make sense. But remember, a psychopath is NOT looking for a solution.
4. Don't dream of cooperation! Do not collaborate with him!
Cooperation with him will never be equal. You will never be partners - he will only use you if he benefits from it. Then he will underline you. A psychopath in a leadership position is almost impossible to get rid of. At his side, he will not tolerate anyone who surpasses him and anyone who thinks autonomously.
He always gets back at you if you play his "dirty" game with him. The problem will always be on you and any blame will always be on you alone. It distorts reality perfectly. Do not forget that equal cooperation with him is not possible.
5. Don't back down! Don't give him too much! 
Stand firm for your opinions and demands.
Don't let him into your life. Don't tell him your plans - you'd soon find out he's a part of them... His power will only grow where you let him. They say you have to invite a vampire into your house. This is doubly true of a psychopath. You give him power - you deal with him, you invite him to you.
6. Don't deal with him alone!
If you have to talk or deal with him, it is good to have a witness. Either for a possible future dispute or just for your own reassurance when he is adamant about what you said or didn't say. In front of another person, he will not let himself go.
If you have to deal with him alone, feel free to record the conversation. Or better yet, communicate ONLY by email - it can't be twisted and there's beautiful evidence.
7. Don't expect them to change!
He will NEVER make amends, NEVER admit his guilt, NEVER raise him - NEVER apologize to you. First they try feelings, then threats and finally force - but it's just a game. Don't give him another chance! It ALWAYS comes back to normal eventually.
8. Don't forgive him!
You can only forgive someone who accepts and understands their guilt. A psychopath has no conscience and will never admit or understand his guilt.
His pleas for reconciliation will ALWAYS be fake!

End?

The worst paradox is that while you are the victim, he always presents himself as the victim. Thanks to his charm and manipulation, he can do it perfectly. He is a first class victim. He creates a completely different reality in his and your surroundings - his reality. People still look at you through the fingers, you are a fraud, selfish and a scumbag.
And that one percent doubt will still gnaw at you, if it is really so and the problem is not really you. Always - all my life. But I think that the fact that you ask yourself and admit your doubts is proof that you are not a psychopath. He can't and won't do this. He only knows very well where your sensitive spot is. Where to dig. You'd have to get him an MRI and look at his amygdala notch to be absolutely sure. 
But why would he go anywhere? He's perfectly fine, remember? You are out.
"...imagine, after all he did to me, he wants to make me even more crazy and sends me for an examination!"
In the end, I told myself that it didn't really matter if his manipulations were conscious or unconscious. What difference does it make if his actions hurt? It's slow and devastating. 

Always remember - DON'T TRUST HIM - HE WILL NEVER CHANGE!

The only defense, satisfaction and perhaps even revenge is that you will live a good and contented life away from his influence.
Behind everything I've been through, I don't feel hatred or resentment - only a terrible helplessness and regret for the ruined lives...
The story of the psychopath in the family in your life will continue - forever. Unfortunately, it will only end with his or your death.

The text was originally written in 2018, but at that time it was not so bad with psychopaths - mainly what regards politicians. But over the past five years, the company has completely broken free from the chain and the whole world has literally been taken over by psychopaths.

Previous parts:
I. What are psychopaths?
II. How do you recognize psychopaths?